Not-so-great expectations
How can you confirm or break the expectations people have of you based on first look?
Written By
Kent Valentine
Expectations are tricky things.
As a by-product of our ability to recognise patterns in environment and behaviour, expectations have played a key role in helping us survive as a species.
When our expectations of a situation were not met, they told us to be on guard – something isn’t playing by the rules, and it might constitute a threat.
Thankfully, now that we are largely social animals, we don’t face a regular existential threat from sabertooth tigers. In fact, these days we’re much more likely to eat ourselves to death than to be eaten by anything else. Unfortunately, these expectations have crept into our social life and they can get in the way of communicating and sharing ideas with others as effectively as we might like to.
Expectations are the sum of our previous experiences, our hopes for the future and our biases; all of which are heavily influenced by our specific, social circumstances.
Since our expectations naturally accrue around these factors – that is, we don’t consciously construct them – there are aspects to our expectations which we’re likely not aware of, but which are deeply influenced by some of the less accessible (or even desirable) aspects of our psyche.
Given that there are so many factors at play and many of them are opaque, even interpreting our own expectations can be challenging. It’s little wonder that we have trouble second guessing the expectations of other people.
It could happen when we see someone’s profile on Tinder and pick up the phone, only to realise they sound nothing like we had imagined based on how they look.
So what’s all this got to do with the voice then?
Well, have you ever heard Mike Tyson speak? How did you expect him to sound? How did he actually sound? What impact did the difference between the two have on your opinion of him?
We see this difference in expectation and reality playing out in many areas of our life. It could happen when we see someone’s profile on Tinder and pick up the phone, only to realise they sound nothing like we had imagined based on how they look. Or they might meet our expectation of how we thought they would sound. It could happen in the office, when someone new comes in to pitch to us.
Hiring is certainly a big area where the distinction in look and sound can have a significant yet subconscious impact on our expectations, says Adrian Barrick, Global Brand Director, Campaign at Haymarket Business Media.
“I’m watching a candidate before they even start the interview. I must admit that, on occasions, I have done a double-take when the interviewee has started speaking. The voice wasn’t remotely what I was expecting, a bit like the first time I heard David Beckham talk. Their appearance, facial expressions and body language had been telling me something completely different. Sometimes that has been a good thing, sometimes it hasn’t!”
It’s worth asking what it is about someone’s appearance that actually forms that expectation we create of how they will sound and why. And what does our own appearance lead people to assume about how we might sound when we speak?
What’s interesting is how both their expectations and our own will play a role in determining how we all feel about the interaction.
Both parties will have expectations: a model in their head for how the interaction is likely to play out. The situation will then either meet or deviate from their expectations – a messy process that happens in real time for the duration of the entire engagement.
It’s important to be aware of expectations, because they’re likely to have an impact on how successful the engagement is perceived as being by all of the parties involved.
What happens when you’re the only person in the room wearing trainers, or a tie, or a dress? You’ve likely just subverted expectations – so here’s your chance to turn that to your advantage.
The bad news is – as we mentioned above – that the expectations of others are tricky to second-guess.
But the good news, is that you can both unmask and influence the expectations of others, both of which are helpful for maximising the likelihood of a good outcome.
The first thing to think about, are the expectations dictated by the circumstances. Are you at an interview, a formal business meeting, a football match? What are the common tropes and conventions of such occasions? Once you have a picture of that in your head, you can then have a more objective look at yourself and the role that you might play. You can then ask yourself three key questions which all have to do with expectations:
- Do you look the part?
- Do you sound the part?
- Can you play the part?
Regardless of what the law says, what political correctness says and what we want the world to be like – in most circumstances we’re going to be judged first on our looks. What are the likely expectations around our age, gender, nationality, dress and body language? Are we conforming to or subverting those expectations? Both can be powerful, but we should we be aware of them so that we can maximise our impact.
If you’re a tall, American woman in quite formal attire, how can you play the situation if they’re expecting a short, Asian man in casual clothes? What happens when you’re the only person in the room wearing trainers, or a tie, or a dress? You’ve likely just subverted expectations – so here’s your chance to turn that to your advantage.
The second area where we’ll meet strong expectations is around our voice – how we sound. This will obviously be different for telephone interviews or voice auditions but, for most circumstances, the voice will play a vital supporting role.
The voice now offers a chance to confirm or confound their expectations and how that works depends largely on how the visuals played out. If you were visually what they expected, then half of your work is done, now you just have to make sure that you can speak in a manner consistent with how you’ve presented yourself. Once again, what are the tropes and conventions at play? Can you meet them, can you exceed or bend them?
With some of the leg-work done by the visual presentation, you may have a little latitude with the other party’s expectations of your voice.
If your visuals however confounded their expectations of the situation, then your voice is going to play a much greater role in establishing credibility and asserting your stake in the situation. If you overdressed for the occasion, your voice can loosen up and say “no worries, I can do casual”. If the reverse is true, then you have to adjust accordingly.
When the first expectation goes awry and the voice does nothing to correct it, the situation is more challenging. “I once saw a presentation from someone senior from Silicon Valley, who was very credible. I had a mental image of someone ‘high-fly’ but, when he arrived, he was not dressed for the occasion, he was very monotone and had two slides. My high-hopes were dashed as a result and I didn’t end up taking away as much as I would have wanted to”, says Bal Bansal, Associate Director of Innovation at Coca-Cola.
Had the presenter realised that their visual appearance did not meet expectations, whether purposely or not, they could have changed up their vocal style a little to re-establish credibility. In fact, sometimes people can really work this to their advantage, as pointed out by Hugo Pickford-Wardle, Chief Innovation Officer at Matter AI. “I find that people take you more seriously when you break their expectations rather than when you meet them.” But you can only do this if: 1. You’re aware of the possible expectations in the first place, and 2. You have the flexibility to consciously tweak your voice and delivery on the fly.
Given that you can’t control the visual circumstances and expectations to any degree of certainty, the voice is an area where flexibility can be extremely powerful, as it allows you to radically influence the end outcome following the initial expectation.
Thirdly however, is whether you can actually play the part. Can you walk the walk?
As we write, we’re witnessing a global diplomatic meltdown as the United States has annointed a chief representative for the global stage who not only doesn’t look or sound the part, but most certainly cannot play the part.
Your voice and looks will only get you so far, you still need to be able to do the job that’s called for – you need to be able to back up what you say with the appropriate knowledge, experience and action.
There is no cheat or shortcut here – you’ve either put in the work to pull this part off, or you haven’t. Your appearance and voice can make this last part harder or easier for the other party to swallow, but a sharp suit and some flowery words will only mask inexperience for so long.
If you want to succeed, you need to do the work. If you want to give your work the best shot – then understanding, managing, confirming and subverting expectations, deliberately and carefully is the best road to a successful outcome.